Living in Light's dreams
by emoangel1415
Summary: L and Light have been friends since preschool. L admits to having feelings for Light in middle school but Light turns him down. A few years later the best friends meet a tragedy and L dies. What happens when L starts appearing in Lights dreams? find out!
1. Chapter 1

You know that saying "You never know what you have, until it's gone."? I never knew how true it was. He was my best friend, L. I always expected him to be there. But all at once, he wasn't. We were walking home from the library. I'll never forget that day.

"What was the point of that library trip if you didn't want to get any books?" he was obviously annoyed that I dragged him along on this useless trip.

I chuckled "I only read for school." I smiled at him.

"That's BS." he scoffed.

"Hey, not my fault the school has crappy taste in books." I shrugged.

He rolled his eyes, "How would you know if the books are good or not? You use them for target practice for your Nerf guns half the time or they sit on your desk collecting dust with the rest of your textbooks."

"The titles are boring enough. They make me feel like I'm going to learn something."

"Idiot…" he didn't even look at me this time.

"You love this idiot." I laughed. He really did. He told me in middle school that he had feelings for me more than just as a friend. I turned him down because he had been my friend since preschool. We would play in the mud and throw rocks at the older kids at the daycare we went to. He was my mud-buddy. I also had my eye on Misa Amane, the hot blonde with a curvy body. And I was fairly certain I was not gay. L took it well. He distanced himself from me for a while but he came back. I was irresistible. However whenever I told him this he would smack me upside the head and tell me it should deflate a bit.

"Fuck off." His dark gray eyes glared at me. He was actually really attractive with his black hair and alabaster skin. He was tall and skinny but still had a good amount of toned muscle. We walked in silence for a while. I looked into the street and it appeared empty. I took a few steps into it and felt him grab me roughly by the arm and pull me back. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Relax L. The street is empty." I shrugged him off.

"Light, the crosswalk is just up there." he nodded towards the crosswalk that was still a good distance away.

"I'm too lazy to walk that far just to cross the same clear street in the same direction as right here." I walked into the street. I didn't realize that while we were arguing a car had appeared. The candy apple red car sped towards me and I had little time to react. The driver wasn't even looking at the road in front of him. I got hit and flew through the air but not from the direction I was expecting. I landed on the street and heard a loud thunk as L hit the hood of the car and the crunch of glass when he hit the windshield. The car suddenly stopped and he slid off the hood and I heard his head crack against the street.

It all happened so fast and yet it seemed to go in slow motion. It was only a few seconds ago that L and I were safe on the sidewalk and now he was on the ground barely conscious. The driver got out of his car. He appeared to be a business man in his mid-forties. His candy apple red car's hood was dotted and streaked with a different shade of red.

I crawled over to him and held him in my arms. The businessman used his phone that was the main cause of the accident to call 911. He told them all of what happened. He looked up at me, "I told you, you were an idiot." he made an attempt to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah I know." I took off my jacket and tried to wipe away the blood. He started to close his eyes. "L! L!" he didn't open his eyes. "L!" The sirens were wailing in the background. I lightly smacked his cheek "L! L wake up!" he still didn't stir. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics rushed over.

They pushed me aside and got him onto the gurney. His black hair was all wet and matted with blood now. They got him into the ambulance and drove away. The firemen and police officers, after a quick inspection to make sure I had no injuries, questioned me on the events. I walked away from the accident with just a scrape on my arm.

My mom picked me up for the police station and we drove in silence to the hospital. We asked the nurse at the desk where L was.

We sat in the waiting room for hours before the doctor came out to talk to us. I realized L wasn't coming out of the hospital outside of a body bag. My mom took my hand and lightly squeezed before she led me from the hospital. I was in a daze.

The old car wheezed down the road on our way home. I kept thinking that it should have been me. Once we were home the phone was alive, refusing to stop ringing. My mom answered the phone and passed it to me. It was my girlfriend Misa. She kept stuttering over her words that came too fast for my dazed mind to register. I quickly told her I was fine and hung up on her. I hobbled upstairs feeling entirely worn down.

I saw my reflection in the mirror. My jacket and white t-shirt were splattered in L's blood. I ripped the clothes from my body. My brown eyes were red and puffy and even looked weary. My brown hair was matted on top of my head. I didn't bother putting on anymore clothes. I took off my blood stained jeans and threw them across the room before throwing myself to the safety of my bed. My blankets were soft against my skin.

My heart was heavy in my chest as I drifted off to sleep and began to dream. I was back in the street. The red car was in front of me. There was a gurgling sound next to me. I looked down to see myself lying in the street covered in blood. I was choking on my own blood. Just then a hole opened beneath my feet and I began to fall into a dark pit.

When I was sure I would fall forever, a hand, surrounded in a golden light, grabbed my outstretched hand and caught me. I looked up into his face. L smiled down at me and pulled me back up. "Idiot." I simply looked at him in astonishment. He was glowing. His eyes glittered with humor. I reached for him, expecting him to disappear and let me fall again. But he was perfectly solid and soft beneath my fingers. My heart raced as I pulled him into my arms.

"Are you real?" I asked.

He hesitated long enough for me to pull away and look into his face. His eyes had lost their sparkle and sadness shadowed his face. "Not quite. You're dreaming." he whispered and turned away.

"Oh." I was at a loss for words. I just pulled him back and hugged him. "Don't leave." My voice was hoarse as I begged him.

He hugged me back and smiled "I'll come back"

"You better." I couldn't help but smile as I let him go.

"So, since this is a dream, what do you want to do?"

I thought for a moment. "picnic?" Almost at once a blanket and basket appeared and we stood in the park we used to go to. The sun reflecting off the creek was blinding. He sat on the blanket and waited for me. He no longer had the luminous glow around him but he looked more alive than ever.

I pulled out bread from the basket. It was fresh and hot and smelled buttery. I also pulled out cake from the basket. It appeared to be dark chocolate. It had a rich aroma that filled the area. Wrapped in plastic were two sandwiches. We ate and laughed like old times.

He suddenly got a mischievous gleam in his eye. He jumped and tackled me and we both rolled across the grass. We kept rolling until he let himself roll off and we were both laughing. He was lying next to me. We stared up at the light blue sky and watched the clouds slowly drift by. The grass was cool and thick. The sun lightly warmed my skin. The breeze whispered through the pine trees. I looked over at L. he looked back at me. His gray eyes stared back into my brown eyes. The breeze pushed a few strands of his hair into his face. His hair now was just as silky and soft as it was in life. I couldn't help but touch his cheek. His skin was warm and velvety.

He didn't push me away and I lightly pressed my lips against his. Just a moment after our lips touched, there was a light rapping sound coming from nowhere, and yet it echoed throughout the park. L pulled away and smiled sadly. "Wake up." His voice was already distant and I opened my eyes to my room. Someone was knocking on my door.


	2. Chapter 2

I sighed and tried to choke back the tears. "What do you want?" I called out to whoever was outside the door. I looked at my clock that was next to my bed. The glowing green numbers said that it was almost ten in the morning. The doorknob turned slowly.

My girlfriend walked in hesitantly. "Hi."

"Hey." I halfheartedly replied.

"Are you okay?" She asked before she quickly amended "Oh wait, of course you aren't. I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked. That was a stupid question." She spoke quickly and sounded almost panicked.

I shook my head and attempted to smile. "I'm fine." I think she knew it was all a show. The words felt as fake as the smile. "I'll be okay." I tried to sound convincing and reassuring. But I didn't even want to see her. I didn't want to see anybody. All I wanted was L. But I knew I would never really truly see L again. "Misa…" I started but I couldn't make myself finish the sentence. I think she got the hint from my tone of voice that I wanted to be alone.

She bit her lip and walked over to me and lightly kissed my forehead. "You have my number if you need me." She gently squeezed my shoulder lightly and left. I picked up my phone that I hadn't checked since yesterday morning before the library. I opened the phone to see it flash that I had a new message. I clicked on the message button and my heart skipped a beat.

It was a text from L. All it said was "Alright. I'll be there soon." I stared at the glowing screen. When the screen went black I felt the tears well up in my eyes. My vision blurred for a moment and my breathing became ragged. The hot tears spilled over and I fell back on my bed, clutching the cell phone to my chest.

The lump in my throat continued to choke me and my heart was lead. I closed my eyes and willed myself back to sleep. L was waiting for me. Only this time we were at the beach. He stood in the sand and waved at me.

He reached out to me and we walked down to the waves. The sand was warm between my toes but was not so hot that it burned. His hand was soft and small in mine and I swore he had to be real. We walked into the waves. The cool water bubbled over my feet. The sand under my feet was slowly washing away and I felt like I was sinking. When the first wave receded we chased after it.

This time when the waves crashed into us it went up to our calves. We kept walking until even without the waves the water came up to our waists. But right when the next wave hit us, I slipped and was taken under by the crashing tide. I got turned around and couldn't figure out which way was up or down or which direction was land. My lungs burned and I inhaled some water. I felt like I was going to drown. Something grabbed me and I felt myself being pulled. Annabel yanked me to the surface.

"Are you okay?" he sputtered. Apparently he went under to pull me back.

I coughed and struggled to breathe as water dripped down into my mouth. "Yeah." I coughed "Thanks."

"Do I always have to save you? You're useless without me." he laughed and dragged me back to the beach. We walked back into the dry sand and we both fell onto it laughing at the situation. "Guess we figured out who's the stronger swimmer." he chuckled.

"Well duh, you were on the swim team half your life. Of course you'd be better than me." I stuck out my tongue at him and he flung sand in my face. I spit the sand from my mouth. "That is not cool L!" but all he did was laugh and run away.

I got up to chase him, but then I opened my eyes to find myself in my room with my mom shaking me awake. "Get up Light. You slept all day yesterday; I'm going to take you somewhere so you stop moping."

We went out to lunch and visited my grandparents. My grandparents kept telling me that what I was going through must be terrible. I only nodded when appropriate and pretended to listen. My mom even went so far as to call and set up a movie date with Misa. But when I got home, I went right to bed and stayed with L. We would spend a lot of time at parks or beaches. We would play and hold each other. There were times when I would sleep for days to be with L. My mom kept yelling at me. She would tell me I was wasting my life in bed nowadays and I may as well be as dead as L the way I've been.

As far as I was concerned, I _was_ as dead as L. I was with him everyday and I would rather stay there with him than be in this reality where he wasn't alive anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

L and I were walking through a forest. The pine needles crunched beneath our feet. Dark green moss covered the rocks and tree trunks. We stepped into a clearing and I took him into my arms. "Where do you go when I wake up?" I whispered, burying my face in his hair.

"I stay here and wait." he answered.

"You shouldn't have to wait." I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"You can't always stay here." he looked puzzled.

"Why can't I?" I didn't see why I couldn't always stay with him. I felt a pang of fear that he didn't want to be with me anymore.

"You're alive. You have family and friends who want you with them too." he spoke gently and held my hand.

"I don't want to be."

He slapped me across the face. My cheek stung and my head throbbed. "Don't you dare say that to me! Don't you dare say I died for nothing!" he screamed and ran from me. I grabbed for his wrist but my hand slipped right through and he was suddenly gone.

My eyes opened slowly. Wet tracks ran down my face. The green numbers on my clock glowed 5:27 pm. My head was felt as if someone was pounding from the inside of my skull. Suddenly I realized someone was actually pounding on my door. I stretched my aching body and pulled myself from the bed. "What?" I yelled out, irritated and angry with myself.

Misa walked in. "Where have you been lately?" She almost yelled.

"Asleep." I responded dryly.

"For two and a half days straight?" She asked unbelieving.

"Apparently" I shrugged and scratched my head.

"Your mom and I are worried about you." She sat on my bed, causing the bed to shift.

I didn't even bother looking at her. "Well stop worrying."

"You know that's not easy. It's unrealistic to think that if you just tell us to stop worrying we will." She scowled. "This isn't healthy Light."

"I don't care." Even I could hear the cold deadness in my voice.

She chewed on her lip and looked to the floor. "I miss you." She spoke so softly I could barely hear.

"Yeah well…" I looked at the white wall next to me, doing anything to avoid her gaze. "I miss L more than I miss you."

Her eyes sparked with outrage and she let out a screech. "L?" She screamed "L! It's always been L! Why am I not enough for you?"

"You just aren't L. And honestly, you're annoying." I stated bluntly.

She grabbed the glass of water that sat on the nightstand next to my bed and poured the water on my head. "Fine. Sleep forever and rot for all I care." She got up and stormed off. I heard the front door slam but I didn't care. I pinched the bridge of my nose and laid back into my bed. I closed my eyes but could not sleep.

I got up and changed my sheets and took off my clothes. I went into the kitchen to get a piece of toast only to find my mom in the kitchen. "Hi honey." She stood in front of the stove.

"Hey. Did you hear all that?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. I'm sure the neighbors heard it too." She sighed.

"Why did you let her in?"

"I hoped she could get you out of bed. And oh look she succeeded." She smiled a half smile that she didn't really mean.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked and leaned against the table. This was just not my day.

"It's a Saturday." She lifted a cup of coffee to her lips. My mom was a bit of a coffee addict. You rarely saw her without a cup of coffee in her hands. "By the way sweetie, you look like death." She nodded to the little mirror on the kitchen wall.

I went and looked at my reflection. I was skinny and my face was paler than it used to be. I also had dark circles under my eyes as if I hadn't slept in forever. My hair was tangled and matted on top of my head and my eyes were red and puffy. I just shrugged it off like it didn't matter.

She eyed me closely. Her worried gaze never left me as she handed me a cup of coffee. I tried to turn it away. "Light Yagami, you will drink this right now, right here in front of me." She growled.

My fingers wrapped around the handle and gripped it firmly. I lifted the cup to my lips. The sweet smell of it filled my nose, but the scent gave me no joy the way it used to. The warm liquid slid over my tongue and down my throat. I drank it all to appease my mother, whose eyes still did not leave my face.

She turned for only a moment to get the piece of toast from the toaster oven behind her. The little door creaked with protest when she pulled it open. She reached in and gingerly picked up the bread, careful not to burn herself on the hot metal. She handed it to me and I took it. I nearly dropped the toast as it burnt my fingers.

The toast was tasteless and dry as it crumbled in my mouth. It crunched with every bite and as I chewed. Just then my mom's phone started vibrating on the table loudly, demanding my mother's attention. My mom sighed and answered the phone. Whoever was on the other end of the phone sounded frantic.

My mom tried to soothe who it was and said she would be right over. She hung up her phone and looked up at me. "Nana can't find her pills." She sighed "I'll be back soon. Don't go back to bed!" Her eyes flashed, telling me she was serious. She kissed my forehead and grabbed her keys off the kitchen table. She left and slammed the door behind her.

Almost immediately I went back to my room and crawled under the dark blue comforter. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. This time, I didn't find myself on a bright beach or at a park. I didn't find myself in the emerald light of the forest either. I didn't even know where I was. I was nowhere. It was all dark and shadows.

L sat on what was I supposed was some kind of ground but it looked the same as the rest of wherever we were. His face was covered in shadows. "So you don't want to be alive?" he asked "Do you even know what it's like to be dead?" he lifted his face into a little bit of light that came from nowhere. All I could see of his face were her eyes that practically glowed in this world. "This is death." She motioned around her.

I looked around but I saw nothing. All I saw were shadows that swirled around and lingered in the dark like smoke. "I don't see anything." I said. I began to feel uneasy.

"This is death." he repeated "This is where I wait when you're awake. _This_ is what you see when you're dead!" he hissed and his voice seemed to echo in the empty space. "Do you still want to be dead?" His voice seemed to be screaming in my head, causing me to wince.

"No." I whispered, but my voice carried as if I had shouted.

"No." he seemed to taunt me. "No you don't." His eyes became sad and he stood as silently as a ghost. All at once it seemed to hit me; he practically was a ghost. He was dead and I was alive. He wasn't supposed to be with me. "I never meant for this to happen Light." he sounded near tears. "I came back to try to make you feel better, to see if you were okay. I wanted you to be okay and not feel guilty. But then I didn't want to leave you. I was afraid to move on and it was just so easy to be selfish and stay here."

I took a step towards him. "No, stay over there." he held his hands in front of him. "I didn't think you would stop living for me. I can't let you do this anymore. I need to leave and be a part of death and let you be a part of life."

"L, please don't. I don't want you to leave." I begged.

"I don't belong here! Light let me go!" he yelled. "When you wake up I'm going away. I won't be here next time you go to sleep." he whispered sadly.

He walked over and lightly kissed me. "I'll miss you." I whimpered.

"I know. It's time to wake up." She smiled sadly.

"No, not yet!" I held onto her tightly.

"Light, wake up" he whispered. I could already feel him fading away and the world around us began to shimmer.


	4. Chapter 4

5

**AN: So sorry it took so long to update, my computer got a nasty virus and I lost everything in it including the drafts to this story. Safe to say restarting this was quite a bear. This is the big finale! If you don't like it I'm really sorry but I did my best to end on a happy note. HOPE YOU LIKE IT! **

**Also I do not own anything Death note related :p**

"L, please wait!" I called out to him as he began to vanish.

"Wake up" All at once he was gone. The shadow world was gone. I opened my eyes to my room. I was surrounded by my posters. They're eyes stared at me, watching my suffering with uncaring eyes. In a rage that completely consumed me, I jumped up and ripped them from my wall. I wanted to rip them apart the same way my heart was being torn apart.

I fell to my knees and surrendered myself to my pain. I let the tears spill down my cheeks and fall to the floor. I let out a scream to try to relieve the pressure in my chest. To let out the pain that threatened to make me burst. From the corner of my eye I saw my reflection in the mirror. Another wave of rage rushed over me and consumed my pain wracked mind the way a wildfire consumes a fallen tree.

I stood and took a few steps to the full length mirror. I drew my arm back and lunged forward. The glass cracked beneath my fist but did not shatter. My reflection still stared back at me. I drew my arm back and punched again. This time my hand went through and the glass shattered. Shards of glass tinkled as it fell to the hard wood floor. I felt the skin on my knuckles split from the sharp edges of the broken glass. My blood dripped to the floor to join the glass that still reflected pieces of my reflection.

I heard the lock on the front door click and the door creaked open. The screen door clanged shut and I heard my mom's heels click on the floor and the door shut softly. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the remains of the mirror. "Light?" I heard her call out. "You better not be in bed!" I heard my door open. I heard her gasp as she beheld the scene before her. I knew what she was seeing. My posters torn from the walls and torn up on the floor and me standing against the broken mirror, holding my bloody hand; blood dripping among the shards of glass.

I heard her purse drop to the floor and felt her arms surround me. "Baby, what happened?" her voice was panicked and she held me tight. I couldn't respond. All I could do was cry harder and hold on to my mom. She led me to the bathroom and wrapped my hand in gauze before she drove me to the hospital to get my hand stitched up. When we got home, I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want anything.

A month later school started again. I couldn't help but look for L around the school on the first day. I knew I wouldn't find him. I didn't see him in my dreams anymore either. He kept his word when he said that he was going to go away. Almost every day I would go to his grave and leave flowers. I would talk to him about what I was thinking and how things were going with school. Sometimes I find myself wondering where he went after he left. I wondered if he was still sitting in the dark somewhere or if he had gone on to a better place. I hoped it was the second. I also wondered if he could even hear me wherever he was. I thought he could.

Misa ended up going out with some football jock soon after we broke up. I wished her the best and apologized for being such an ass. She apologized for throwing water on me and telling to rot when I was still grieving. We forgave each other and stayed friends. I still occasionally would call her over when I needed a friend.

I sat in front of L's grave today and became lost in my thoughts. A few yards down, something caught my attention. A man maybe a little older than me was placing flowers on a grave. I felt the need to go say something to him. I got up and walked over to introduce myself. "Hey there!" I called out to him.

He was startled and looked at me. "Hi" he said it like a question. His eyes looked around nervously.

"What? I'm not gonna do anything." I held up my arms and didn't move any closer.

"Most people don't hang out at cemeteries and jump out at people unless they're out for something." he eyed me suspiciously.

"Or if they come every day to talk to they're dead best friend." I smiled.

"Ahah, so you admit that you have mental problems." he smiled back as he teased me.

"I did?" I laughed.

"No not really, I do the same. Nice to meet you, I'm Matsuda." His smile was warm and friendly.

"Light." I held out my hand and he shook it. We ended up running into each other a few more times at the cemetery and we would talk. After the fourth time I asked for his number. We started texting and talking to each other more. It turns out that his boyfriend was buried in that cemetery. He would go every day to talk to him the same way I would talk to L.

A few years later I finally asked him to go out with me. I will probably always love L unlike any other. But L was gone. Matsuda didn't replace L but I loved him just as much. I would still visit L's grave and Matsuda would visit his old boyfriend but the visits were less frequent. I knew L would understand. I believe that L was actually watching me from wherever he is, smiling down at me. I'll never forget him.


End file.
